Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
