Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
