I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
