you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
