My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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