Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize