His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize