her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
