I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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