I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
