why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's the barista slut.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
