The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
