Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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