I'm lost and stupid without you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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