hell yes lets make some ravioli
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
