I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
