well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
