dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
