Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
