just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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