obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
