I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
