She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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