he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
