I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
not ubering you a puppy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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