Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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