i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
