If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
