Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
