Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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