Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
