Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize