i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
