Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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