the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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