i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
