every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
