I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
