don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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