Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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