Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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