I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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