I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
