please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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