The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
