whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
