i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
