how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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