i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this is an emotional support booty call
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
