I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
