The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
