Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
