My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
