Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize