A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love having hate sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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