Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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