Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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