i just google imaged poop.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
