She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
