Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
