Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
