I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
