i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
