ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
