yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
