So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
