You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
