sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
