So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
