Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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